Trying to Redeem Country Music

 

    I've heard all the criticisms and complaints about country music. The genre is in the same company as disco, emo, mumble rap, and EDM, getting shit on by everyone who actually knows music. The genre is riddled with formulaic song structures. The recurring themes of trucks, alcoholism, farm life, sex, and men lost in their feelings, are regurgitated seemingly in every song. The genre trades in "good ole boyisms", which on the surface promote classic good manners, loyalty to family and friends, and simple rural living. However, misogyny, racism, and anti-intellectualism are baked-in features. There is a long history of the Country Music Industry making careers of POC and female performers difficult, from Charley Pride and Cleve Francis, to the Dixie Chicks, Maren Morris, and Lil Nas X. However, apparently Beyonce is Country now, so maybe the genre is finally beginning to embrace its diverse roots. 

All this combined, it shouldn't be a surprise artists are leaving the genre, reframing the music they make into other similar categories like folk, southern rock, and Americana. Americana itself was a genre created in 1999, borrowing the term from the 1940s, the goal was, as Rolling Stone put it,"to carve out a distinct marketplace for a wave of traditionally minded songwriters [. . .] artists whose work was no longer being served by (the) country music industry". This exodus of talent naturally leaves Country Music with the worst offenders, perpetuating the worst trends. 

I spent a long time disparaging this genre, like a lot of other people. I really couldn't see the appeal with the twangy country western sound. However, I do like similar adjacent genres, like folk, bluegrass, and blues. Bands like Creedance Clearwater Revival, the Grateful Dead, Neil Young, and Brett Dennen are all favorites, and all flirt with country music sounds. I'm also a big fan of the Outlaw Country guys Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Jerry Jeff Walker, Waylon Jennings, and Kris Kristopherson. Recently, I've discovered some new country acts that appear to stay out of the terribleness the rest of the genre fell into. 

From the Willie Nelson wing of Country Music, Miss Margo Price won awards from the Americana Music Awards, the American Music Prize, and the UK Americana Awards, and also was nominated for a Grammy in 2018. Being a female talent, Price suffers from the misogyny baked into the industry. Her debut album was heralded as a stellar new talent by several publications, and nominated for awards. Her newest album, above, is a must have. She is most certainly a country artist who moved into the Americana genre. 

Sturgill Simpson, unrelated to Jessica, Ashlee, or OJ, has been compared to Outlaw Country legends Waylon Jennings, and Merle Haggard. This Outlaw Country thing may be a bit of a theme in this post... The above record, A Sailor's Guide to Earth, won the Best Country Album Grammy, and was nominated for Album of the Year. He has opened for Guns n Roses, and played with Willie Nelson, Margo Price and Bob Weir. 

Adeem the Artist needs to be protected. They have a strong and important voice within the genre, however, they also identify as non binary and uses they/them pronouns.... so... within the milieu of Country Music, they're a target for the highly conservative, highly misogynist, and homophobic culture. This record dropped in 2022 and targets racism, homophobia, fundamentalist religion, and Southern culture. This is a songwriter to watch, with a message that can help dissolve the stranglehold hatred has on poor white Southern and Western communities. 

Lukas Nelson, actually related to Willie Nelson, and his band, the Promise of the Real are as much a fresh look at Country, as they are a throwback. Also Neil Young's current backup band, The Promise of the Real are the vanguard of the left wing of Country music. This band has ties to Margo Price, Sturgill Simpson, Bob Weir and Neil Young (obviously) and have toured with BB King, Willie Nelson (also, obviously), and John Fogerty. 

The Dead South are Canadian, and like Stompin Tom Connors, Neil Young, and Shania Twain, they carry on the legacy of country sounds from the northernest North American nation. Technically a band that puts themselves squarely in Bluegrass as a genre, they cover a lot of the same tropes and styles of Country, especially the Appalachian styles that propelled early Country, bluegrass, and folk music. 

These three genres are very similar and share roots, and the Dead South does a great job of revealing that. In fact, the band has received criticism from "bluegrass purists" for dabbling in country and "African" sounds, and for supporting a punk ethos. This disregards the fact that bluegrass owes a lot of its genre defining sound to the banjo, a Black American instrument based on traditional African instruments. 

Worst of the Decade: Music Edition

I have come to the conclusion that, while there are plenty of terrible bands out there, There seems to be one, every ten years or so, that rises to the top (or the bottom?) of the rubbish bin. Notorious because of inept, formulaic song writing, unearned brand recognition (the sell-out phenomenon), and stupid, childish antics taken way too serious, these bands transcend bad music, way past the point of satire.

Before I start listing the cream (or scum) off the top of the garbage heap, here are some honorable (dishonorable) mentions:

Van Halen: Yes I know, everyone over 40 just shit themselves. But think about this, without David Lee Roth, this band wouldn't be on this list. The guy is the number one clown of Rock music. Also, Eddie Van Halen is probably the most self centered douchebag in all of Guitar Town. Also also, they enabled so much terrible crap from a generation of copycat bands. I guess the fact that Eddie, specifically, influenced so many other good (better) guitar players later on keeps them from not deserving to be on this list after all.

Imagine Dragons: "Overproduced shlock" is how Kory Grow from Rolling Stone describes them. Which is pretty much a bullseye. I like to think of them as leading the charge in the second coming of disco. More on this later.

Five Finger Death Punch: How many times can a band write a song with a spoken word bridge gimmick? Apparently, every time. This band and its false tough guy bravado is why Metal is dying. They are the epitome of But Rock. (See Below). 

Coldplay: A big theme here is going to be authenticity. No one likes a copycat. And while there is an argument to be made that all bands that fit into a genre, by definition, are fitting into a mold defined by the genre, this is different than attempting to be another band to the point of being indistinguishable. This is why people hate Greta Van Fleet, and why Stoned Temple Pilots and Creed received so much criticism in the 90s. Coldplay also gets criticism for trying to be Radiohead. Lately, they seem an awful lot like Maroon 5, which is weird, because Coldplay came first. In addition, the music itself is safe, boring, predictable.

The Eagles: I think this has more to do with the band's attitude, and the fact that the sum of the parts doesn't equal the greatest of these dudes when they do solo work. I love Joe Walsh, but Joe Walsh + The Eagles, while the best kind of Eagles, still sucks. I read articles about this Eagle-hating phenomenon, and adjectives like "wallpaper", and phrases like "easy listening elevator music" are used many times. While I think those are great descriptors, it comes down to the fact that they sound safe, boring, and predictable, like Coldplay, but from the 70s.

So, here we are, my list by decade, of the worst bands in history. Every decade has one. Starting from this decade, I present my theory:


The 20teens:

While Imagine Dragons, and AWOL Nation are pretty good choices, I found a better one.

21 Pilots.

"Ma! Where's my juice box!"

Aaron Cooper of Bearded Gentlemen Music (its like hipster Pitchfork... if you can imagine an even more hipster Pitchfork) describes this band as appealing to "People who are too young to appreciate legitimate art regardless if they don’t understand it, or people who refuse to become functioning adults and have accepted the mediocrity of eating Taco Bell for dinner for the rest of their lives". They are heralded as experts in blending genres. I guess that is true, they do take synth EDM and blend it with Hip Hop (sort of) and try and throw in angsty teenage rock lyrics. But the resulting product is just what I like to call the new disco. It's mass produced pop garbage for clubs, if those clubs were exclusively for depressing goth kids.

I get it, this music isn't for me. It is targeted at a certain age group. But still, music for teenagers doesn't have to be filled with so many awful cliches, and overused themes. Kids deserve good music too. And, as an aside, these two dudes are way way past young adult status and are trying to pass off what they do as "art". There are plenty of good bands with substance whose songs appeal to teenagers. Good music is universally enjoyable.


The 2000s:

This one is an obvious choice. Nickelback, for the win!

They couldn't look any more basic. Its a Band of Dads

There has been plenty written about how Nickelback went from a relatively uninspiring pop rock band in a sea of other similarly sounding bands from this decade, into one of the most notorious and hated successful acts of all time. They spawned an entire generation of mediocre rock (Medio-core, as Fat Mike calls it) known as But Rock. The term comes from a mid-2000s rock radio station tag line "nothing but rock". 

While there are plenty of bands that are contemporary to Nickleback and published similarly terrible But Rock (3 Days Grace, Seether, Buck Cherry, Shinedown), the hate for Nickelback is summed up by Salli Antonin's title for her paper "Hypocritical Bullshit Performed Through Gritted Teeth". Her hypothesis revolves around how hatred stems not from the music itself, but from how the band creates the music, preferring to craft hit songs as a factory would turn out furniture, building things they know will sell based on genre sounds, instead of innovating or creating anything new. People can smell a phony, and Nickelback is as phony as they come. Also, they are incredibly arrogant about the whole thing. Chad Kroeger is perhaps the doucheiest rock star since Eddie Van Halen.

The 1990s:

It may be too easy to just throw the Insane Clown Posse out here, I have to keep in mind that this is about rock music, specifically, and the ICP does consider themselves hip hop. And also, in their defense, they have managed to build a brand and fanbase so strong, it has become a counter culture. So I went with the next worse thing from the 90s....

Limp Bizkit.

Photobombed by the Death Metal kid

These guys are probably the worst band on this list of worst bands, regardless of the decade. I mean... G.G. Allin is pretty terrible, if you consider a psychotic, Nazi, Iggy Pop wannabe to be a rockstar, but that abomination aside, Fred Durst is the worst person ever. This band hits all the other horrible band benchmarks.

They're unoriginal hacks, riding on the backs of rock/hiphop pioneers 311 and Rage Against the Machine. The only song worth hearing was a George Michael cover. The fanbase seems to be made up of dudes who are too conservative to be punk rock, but still want to posture and brag about how tough and apathetic they are. If Johnny Rotten also played lacrosse and Call of Duty and spent all his time talking about smashing chicks, he'd be Fred Durst.

All of this would be acceptable, there are plenty of rock icons who piggy backed on other greater influences, and also were all about sex, if it wasn't for the substance of the music. The music is awful, playing to the lowest common denominator (the lyrics read like a Dr Suess book for adult morons). The band is a joke, and not the good, clever kind of joke like Steel Panther, but the bad kind that gives you VD and makes you question your life choices. In comparison, this band makes Nickelback look good.


The 1980s:

I've established many times how much I hate 80's music. If the entire decade can be summed up as having one good genre (punk rock), and also 6 or 7 actually good bands that are not that genre, the decade is probably trash. But the worst of the worst has got to be....

Poison.

Boy George called... he wants it all back, fellas

The '80s was a time when rock was littered with Van Halen wannabes like Ratt, Wasp, Motley Crue, and other similar Alice Cooper/KISS inspired shows that seemed more devoted to how much glitter they could shove down their skintight pants than their song writing. The bright spot for this era of rock is the creation of my favorite joke of all time:

Q: What has 9 arms and sucks?

A: Def Leppard.

But of all the terrible terribleness of the 80s, Poison rises through it all (or sinks like a brick?). They embody all that makes the genre of glam/hair metal so bad, while also being slandered by their own peers. Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue thinks they suck. Guns n Roses hated them. That's like all the other clowns from the circus looking down on the same dude for making the worst balloon animals. I think the reason I cant stand them, aside from the fact that the music is not good, is the motivations for becoming a band to start with. According to the band, they wanted to "get chicks". And while sex is an awesome perk of being a rockstar, making music should probably be the top priority. Even Nickelback puts music first.


The 1970s:

I want to put the Eagles on this throne. But after some reflection, there are better candidates. Ted Nugent comes to mind. I had a single "ah ha!" moment, and figured out exactly which band belongs here.

KISS.

There is too much WTF going on in this picture

If you had no idea what KISS were, and just happened to stumble upon some of their unending line of merchandise, it would be easy to assume they are anything but a band that plays actual music. The monochrome facepaint and goth/sci-fi costumes fit better in crazy 80's children's television programming, or a setting from a Robert E Howard book. They look like a young wrestling fan's fever dream, and yet they sell out stadiums.

That's the part that seems unimaginable. How does this visual trainwreck sell out stadiums, while other bands in the same time period doing similar crazy onstage stuff, like Alice Cooper, and the New York Dolls, struggled? It took Twisted Sister 10 years to even secure a record contract. True, they do set things on fire, and blow things up, and spit blood, but then so does Iggy and the Stooges (only its not an act).

To sum up, this review from 1974 by Patrick MacDonald says all that needs to be said: "the music is strictly on the moron level, being made up of simple cords any child could learn and lyrics that are there because they rhyme". This isn't enough, though for me to declare them "worst of the '70s". If simple cord progressions were the only criteria every American Hardcore band would be on this list, but Black Flag is awesome.

MacDonald also points out they are "a very flashy glitter band that tries to make up in theatrics what it lacks musically". And that is what connects all of these terrible bands on this terrible list. But these guys did it first, and influenced all the Poisons and Nickelbacks, and garbage formulaic pop songs, and man eating plant puppets, and flame throwing codpieces, and every single Spinal Tap-esque moment in rock music history.

Speaking of Spinal Tap... if comic geniuses create a parody act about you and your very serious music career, you're probably a colossal joke. KISS is the real life Spinal Tap. Gene Simmons is far more interested in selling his brand, making money off an icon. And while this is great for Gene Simmons, the PT Barnum of Rock, it makes me question the intelligence of the KISS Army that continues to buy stupid things.

Best Years for Music: Making a Case

Every decade or so there is one pivotal year for music that defines the decade and becomes a watershed of influence. I plan on making the case for the best year in music for each of the last few decades. I'll start with the 60's and work my way up.

1967 - Summer of Love

The 1960s are remembered fondly as the age of psychedelics, and hippies, but the decade was important for all genres of music. In the age of sexual liberation, political rebellion, and the civil rights movement, music had its own period of exploration, which saw folk, blues, soul and r&b, reggae, country and rock develop from earlier forms into what we recognize today as major genres. 1967 was the high point for this incubation period and saw major debuts, and great follow up records from soon to be great artists. Many of the records I will list in this post are considered by many to be among the top records of all time, genre definers, influential pieces, one of the best in that particular artist's discography, or at the very least a debut of one of music's legends.

The Doors (debut)
Miles Davis - Miles Smiles
Jefferson Airplane - Surrealistic Pillow
Byrds - Younger than Yesterday
Dolly Parton - Hello, I'm Dolly (debut)
Mamas and the Papas - Deliver
Velvet Underground and Nico
Donovan - Mellow Yellow
Electric Prunes (debut)
Gordon Lightfoot - The Way I Feel
Tim Hardin - 2
Country Joe and the Fish - Electric Music for the Mind and Body (debut)
Jimi Hendrix Experience - Are You Experienced? (debut)
Mothers of Invention - Absolutely Free
Beatles - Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Willie Nelson - Make Way for Willie Nelson
David Bowie (debut)
Booker T and the MGs - Hip Hug-Her
Moby Grape (debut)
Canned Heat (debut)
Aretha Franklin - Arrives
Pink Floyd - Piper at the Gates of Dawn
Bee Gees - Bee Gees' 1st
Merle Haggard - Branded Man
Albert King - Born Under a Bad Sign
Waylon Jennings - Love of the Common Man
Kinks - Something Else by the Kinks
Doors - Strange Days
Arlo Guthrie - Alice's Restaurant
Gladys Knight and the Pips - Everybody Needs Love (debut)
Vanilla Fudge (debut)
Cream - Disraeli Gears
Moody Blues - Days of Future Past
Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour
Love - Forever Changes
Jimi Hendrix Experience - Axis: Bold as Love
The Who - Sell Out
Miles Davis - Sorcerer

1971- Rock's Greatest Year

To be fair, this idea is not new. There are plenty of music nerds out there who have played this same game. David Hepworth wrote about 1971 as being special in Never a Dull Moment: 1971 The Year that Rock Exploded (2016). So close to the close of the '60s, 1971 piggybacks on 1967, sharing common themes. Due to a variety of circumstances, 1971 saw a massive output of talent, older bands coming out with some of their best material, new groups putting together fresh sounds, an overarching idea that creativity wont last forever and there is no point in overworking something when usually the first ideas are the best.

In addition to the albums released in 1971, The Eagles, New York Dolls, Foghat, Earth Wind and Fire, Manfred Man, and Wings were all founded this year.

Some of the 1971 releases are below for your consideration:

Carol King - Tapestry
Jethro Tull - Aqualung
James Taylor - Mudslide Slim and the Blue Horizon
Carly Simon (debut)
The Doors - LA Woman
Rolling Stones - Sticky Fingers
Paul and Linda McCartney - Ram
The Carpenters
Marvin Gaye - What's Goin On
Rod Stewart - Every Picture Tells a Story
Emerson Lake and Palmer - Tarkus
Joni Mitchell - Blue
Hot Tuna - First Pull Up, then Pull Down
Funkadelic - Maggot Brain
Black Sabbath - Master of Reality
Moody Blues - Every Good Boy Deserves Favor
The Who - Who's Next
Al Green Gets Next to You
John Lennon - Imagine
Santana III
Bee Gees - Trafalgar
Cat Stevens - Teaser and the Firecat
Frank Zappa - 200 Motels
Don McLean - American Pie (debut)
The Who - Meaty Beaty Big and Bouncy
Van Morrison - Tupelo Honey
Curtis Mayfield - Roots
Led Zeppelin IV
Elton John - Madman Across the Water
Genesis - Nursery Cryme
Alice Cooper - Killer
Sly and the Family Stone - There's a Riot Goin On
David Bowie - Hunky Dory
Badfinger - Straight Up
John Prine (debut)

1987- Goddammit I hate the '80s!

Even though the 1980s is probably the worst decade for music (although 2000-2010 is pretty terrible too), it still had a bright spot, and 1987 seems to be the year, even though Bruce Willis released the Return of Bruno. Things start to get interesting in 1987, just as electronic sounds and drum machines appear to have taken over pop music, hip hop is gearing up to be taken more seriously, and punk/grunge/garage rock is poised to destroy glam metal once and for all. Below is a little look into some of those releases, and once again, if the record isn't considered a top 100 record, it is still probably considered to be a huge influence on one or more genres in the future. The Smiths and Pixies records are good examples. In addition, Alice in Chains, Danzig, Fugazi, Gin Blossoms, Kid N Play, Nirvana, and Operation Ivy were all founded.

The Smiths - The World Wont Listen (debut)
The Smiths - Louder than Bombs
DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince - Rock the House (debut)
Anthrax - Among the Living
Butthole Surfers - Locust Abortion Technician (debut)
U2 - Joshua Tree
Prince - Sign O the Times
the Cult - Electric
Public Enemy - Yo, Bum Rush the Show (debut)
Whitney Houston- Whitney (debut)
the Cure - Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me
LL Cool J - B.A.D (debut)
Heart - Bad Animals
Sonic Youth - Sister
the Replacements - Pleased to Meet Me (debut)
Boy George - Sold
Echo and the Bunnymen (debut)
Grateful Dead - In the Dark
Eric B and Rakim - Paid in Full (debut)
Guns N Roses - Appetite for Destruction (debut)
Tom Waits - Frank's Wild Years
Michael Jackson - Bad
George Michael - Faith (debut)
Pixies - Come on Pilgrim
Ice T - Rhyme Pays (debut)

1994 - The Beginning of the End

The 1990s has been revered by many now between their 30s and 40s, mostly due to nostalgia. Children's programming on television was bonkers. Everything got pierced or tattooed. The internet, laptops and cell phones were very new things. Music hit a turning point from the innovations made in the late 80s to the industry-led, cookie cutter, pop factory made sounds that ultimately killed rock and roll and country and drove hip hop back underground. Everything became digitized, recording studios became smaller, more efficient, cleaner.

1994 was the pivot year. Kurt Cobain died, Green Day exploded, and the grunge/alternative revelation of the past few years crumbled and gave way to a wave of pop-surfer-emo punk rock that would hang around in mediocrity for the next 10 years. Nas happened, Biggie and Tupac happened, The Wu-Tang Clan was huge, which spurred another golden age for hip hop. The next generation of the British Invasion kicked off too this year. Jam bands, a second generation of 60's inspired rock groups, took off in a major way. 1994 was also the year of Girl Power, the careers of Liz Phair, Tori Amos, Veruca Salt, and Hole all took off. There are a few strong debuts from groups who would make large footprints in the next decade and a half, including one of the best albums of all time, Jeff Buckley's Grace.

Alice in Chains - Jar of Flies
Tori Amos - Under the Pink
Green Day - Dookie
Ben Harper - Welcome to the Cruel World (debut)
Cake - Motorcade of Generosity (debut)
Pavement - Crooked Rain Crooked Rain
Beck - Mellow Gold
Elvis Costello - Brutal Youth
Nine Inch Nails - Downward Spiral
Soundgarden - SuperUnknown
Phish - Hoist
Pink Floyd - The Division Bell
Offspring - Smash
Hole - Live Through This
Nas - Illmatic (debut)
Blur - Parklife
Johnny Cash - American Recordings
Outkast - southernplayalisticadillacmuzik (debut)
Sonic Youth - Experimental Jet Set, Trash, and No Star
Weezer (debut)
Beastie Boys - Ill Communication
Seal II
Purple - Stone Temple Pilots
Warren G - Regulate: G Funk Era (debut)
Aaliyah - Age Aint Nothin but a Number (debut)
Da Brat - Funkdafied (debut)
Hootie and the Blowfish - Cracked Rear View (debut)
Live - Throwing Copper
Coolio - It Takes a Thief (debut)
Marilyn Manson - Portrait of an American Family (debut)
NoFX - Punk in Drublic
Jeff Buckley - Grace (debut)
Rusted Root - When I Woke
Oasis - Definitely Maybe (debut)
Boys II Men - II
Usher (debut)
Bad Religion - Stranger than Fiction
Eric Clapton - From the Cradle
Notorious BIG - Ready to Die (debut)
Blues Traveler - 4
Liz Phair - Whip Smart
2 Pac - Thug Life: Volume 1
Veruca Salt - American Thighs (debut)
REM - Monster
Dave Matthews Band - Under the Table and Dreaming (debut)
The Cranberries - No Need to Argue
Korn (debut)
Jamiroquai - Return of the Space Cowboy
Black Crowes - Amorica
Nirvana - MTV Unplugged in New York
Tom Petty - Wildflowers
Guster - Parachute (debut)
TLC - CrazySexyCool
Mary J Blige - My Life
Pearl Jam - Vitalogy
Bush - Sixteen Stone (debut)

2007 - We Wont Go Quietly

Sometime between now and the close of the 90's, the corporate music model sucked the soul out of rock and roll. Music enthusiasts starting looking elsewhere for good music, and the rise of internet sharing gave us a marketplace. The first decade of the new millennium may be seen as a musical void, but 2007 is a bright spot. Indie music finally hit its stride, flourishing in the void. Our collective love of nostalgia created an opening for older acts to resurface for reunions. And occasionally, in the midst of formulaic genres like pop-punk, and whatever genre Nickelback created, there could still be some surprisingly good bands. There are always islands of good music, even in the face of an innovative decline.

The Smithereens - Meet the Smithereens!
Radiohead - Rainbows
Avett Brothers - Emotionalism
Kanye West - Graduation
Timbaland - Shock Value
Feist - the Reminder
Jay Z - American Gangster
Kittie - Funeral for Yesterday
Modest Mouse - We were Dead even Before the Ship Sank
Norah Jones - Not Too Late
Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
Bjork - Volta
Kings of Leon - Because of the Times
the National - the Boxer
Paramore - Riot
Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Bright Eyes - Cassadaga
White Stripes - Icky Thump
MIA - Kala
Metric - Grow Up and Blow Away
Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad
Spoon - GaGaGaGaGaGa
Talib Kweli - Eardrum
Teagan and Sara - the Con
St. Vincent - Marry Me
Linkin Park - Minutes to Midnight
Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocrypha
Bright Eyes - Cassadaga
the Weakerthans - Reunion Tour
Rilo Kiley - Under the Blacklight


I think, after all has been considered, 1994 would be my choice as best year in music, all time. This is not to say that there haven't been major influential albums produced in other years, or artists from other decades who didn't leave very important footprints. But I do think 1994 was the last (so far) watershed year for several genres and subgenres, rock in particular, but also country music, and hip hop. Since then there has been very little innovation within genres. Corporate music making has killed country and rock as genres. And hip hop, while it continues to redefine itself, had an explosive year in 1994.

Please leave comments (no one reads anyway) challenging my opinion, I welcome the discussion. But please, be cordial, and come with some good arguments for why I'm wrong and your choice is better.

75 Manly Albums!!!

Pass the scotch, and beef jerky, and roll up the sleeves of your flannel.  In March 2009, Esquire Magazine published a list of the 75 Albums Every Man Should Own!  Cigars and donkey punches for everyone!!

I'm not sure how Esquire has the credentials to make a list of the top manly anything, but this list is pretty badass.  They are missing a few good ones though...  the list is as follows, followed by my critique of course:

• Bruce Springsteen: Darkness on the Edge of Town
• Willie Nelson: Phases and Stages
• The Stone Roses: The Stone Roses
• Iggy Pop: Lust for Life
• David Bowie: The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust
• James Brown: Live at the Apollo
• Marvin Gaye: Whats Going On?
• Pavement: Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
• Nas: Illmatic
• Dire Straits: Dire Straits
• Grateful Dead: American Beauty
• Minor Threat: Out of Step
• The Rolling Stones: Aftermath
• Beastie Boys: Paul's Boutique
• Led Zeppelin: 1
• Elvis Costello: Imperial Bedroom
• The Cars: The Cars
• Wilco: Being There
• Kiss: Destroyer
• Radiohead: the Bends
• The Temptations: Gettin Ready
• ACDC: Highway to Hell
• Otis Redding: the Dictionary of Soul
• Cody Chessnut: The Headphone Masterpiece
• The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Soundtrack
• Bod Dylan: Blood on the Tracks
• Taj Mahal: Take a Giant Step
• Bob Marley: Catch a Fire
• Nirvana: MTV Unplugged
• The Best of Mississippi John Hurt
• Traveling Wilburys: vol 1
• Townes Van Zandt: Live at the Old Quarter
• Bill Callahan: Woke on a Whaleheart
• The Beatles: Rubber Soul
• The Velvet Underground and Nico
• Ike and Tina Turner: Working Together
• Explosions in the Sky: The Earth is not a Cold Dead Place
• Talking Heads: True Stories
• Pulp: This is Hardcore
• Guns n Roses: Appetite for Destruction
• Frank Sinatra: in The Wee Small Hours
• Miles Davis: Sketches of Spain
• The Clash: Combat Rock
• Ramones: Road to Ruin
• Television: Marquee Moon
• Pink Floyd: Animals
• The Pixies: Doolittle
• The Great Adventures of Slick Rick
• The Notorious BIG: Ready to Die
• Hank Williams: The Unreleased Recordings
• Pearl Jam: Ten
• Jimi Hendrix: Band of Gypsys
• Drive by Truckers: Brighter than Creation's Dark
• Ray Charles: Modern Sounds in Country and Western Music
• Metallica: ...and Justice for All
• Van Halen: Fair Warning
• Jay Z: Reasonable Doubt
• Beach Boys: Pet Sounds
• Liz Phair: Exile in Guyville
• Joe Jackson: Look Sharp!
• Stevie Wonder: Songs in the Key of Life
• Rage Against the Machine: Rage Against the Machine
• The Who: Who's Next
• Vic Chessnut: Left to His own Devices
• Beethoven: Symphony number 5
• Sam Cooke: Night Beat
• Leonard Cohen: Songs of Leonard Cohen
• Luna: Penthouse
• Buena Vista Social Club: Buena Vista Social Club
• Tom Waits: Small Change
• Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison
• Neil Young: Harvest
• Charles Mingus: Mingus Ah Um
• Gustav Mahler: Symphony number 5
• Jeff Buckley: Grace

cover to the March 2009 issue

That is a lot to take in.  Let me start with the few pieces I'd throw out from the list of most manly records.
We can toss out the classical music, it predates records anyway, and at this point takes up space for actual records.  If you want to experience Beethoven or Mahler, actually go to a symphony.  With the same line of thinking, The Good the Bad and the Ugly is a film to be watched, not listened to.  Get that crap out of here, what man buys a movie soundtrack, anyway?
Since this is a manly man's list of albums to own, we can toss out Radiohead, as they make you feel less of a man, and more of a girly alien.  Ike and Tina can be tossed out also, since Tina Turner is a chick, and there is nothing manly about wife beating.  Speaking of women, Liz Phair can also go, men need not be shamed, feminism tries their best as it is.  Also, Cody Chessnut?  What the hell?  and Luna can go away too, there isn't much manliness in indie/pop.  And because their music is horrible, and no self respecting guy should be wearing clown makeup and glitter, Kiss needs to be thrown on a fire.

This means there are now 9 empty spots to be filled.

1. We would be less manly without some Van Morrison.  I nominate Moondance.  
2. George Thoroughgood and the Destoyers Bad to the Bone ought to be included for being the manliest sounding record ever made.  
3. Aerosmith's Toys in the Attic is obviously missing here
4. so... James Brown is on here... this list definitely needs more Bootsy Collins.  Funkadelic's America Eats Its Young should be included.   
5. How about Loudon Wainwright III: I'm Alright?  or Steve Goodman's Somebody Else's Troubles?  or John Prine: John Prine?  I feel like at least one of these ought to be included.  
6. Black Flag: Damaged.  
7. Motorhead: Ace of Spades
8. If you still want to argue about Beethoven or Westerns, I see your classical music and soundtracks and raise you Frank Zappa: Joe's Garage.  fuck you.  
9. Public Enemy: It takes a Nation of Millions, because there isn't enough righteous angry rap on this list. 

In addition to these additions, I'd swap out a few of the choices made here.  For example, The Rolling Stones record Some Girls is way superior to Aftermath.  Elvis Costello made Liz Phair cry with My Aim is True, so... since Liz Phair makes us ashamed of being men...

An Open Letter to my Favorite Radio Station

I still listen to radio.

Let that sink in for a second. Despite all the new technology available to me, like iPods, and satellite radio that rely on frequencies sent from space, and the internet, I use technology that was discovered and invented in 1872 and made popular in the 1920s. I choose to do this, mostly because it is far simpler to turn the dial in my car than to figure out how to sync an iPod, or learn how to stream an internet radio service.  

Most of the time, rock radio doesn't disappoint. I've learned which stations are good, and play what I like, and which stations are clown shoes (I'm looking at you Pop/Hip Hop radio). I change channels between three or four stations, mostly because I hate commercials.  

Recently, one of my go-to stations changed their format, sort of. I say sort of, because it was a rock station, and it still is a rock station. No one went and burned the rock collection and bought a bunch of country records from the local yard sales. The station decided to expand their offering of rock music to incorporate "all rock". Previously, they played mostly hard rock from the '80s, '90s, and '00s, focusing on newer rock and metal. Now, they've added what many would call "classic" rock, and span rock music from the late '60s all the way until the present.

Of course, this change was met with a ridiculous amount of hostility as evident on their Facebook page. Some people just don't like change, or appreciate the old school. I felt pretty awful for the employees of the station, as many of the comments were brutally worded, and mostly unfair.

Personally, I love the fact that the station has realized that the older bands and artists can still rock. It can be a great idea, and could showcase a bridge between old classic rockers and the newer bands that they influenced.

However, the execution of this really great idea is where the station fell flat.

They could have added to their playlist seamlessly with groups like Iggy and the Stooges, the MC5, Cream, Mountain, Deep Purple, Alice Cooper and Steppenwolf, and expand their genre to include punk rock and play groups like Bad Religion, Black Flag, Minor Threat, The Sex Pistols, and the Misfits. No other station plays stuff like that.

Instead, the station decided groups from the '80s like the Damn Yankees, Tom Keifer, Warrant, Cinderella, and LA Guns were better additions. Also, instead of classic groups that compliment their hard rock identity, they play Neil Young, Tom Petty, and the Barenaked Ladies. These are good musicians, excellent music, but not really what one looks for from a hard rock radio station.

I'd love to request more solid rock music, and less girly, feather and spandex wearing, '80s emasculating cock rock nonsense. I know every rose has a thorn, stop crying, you're mascara is running.

Also, Nickleback is unnecessary. There is only enough room on the radio for one band of cocky, douchebags, and Van Halen has it covered.

I say, keep the old stuff that actually rocks (ZZ Top, Led Zeppelin, the Stones, Hendrix, The Who) and dump the folk rock, and all the pansy-ass glam ballads that make men gag and women swoon. I miss the Tool, Manson, Godsmack, Chevelle, and Monster Magnet tracks I used to hear.

The Outlaw Jesse James

This is another post in my series on cool old folk songs. Hit the label Folk below to see other posts in this category.

Frank and Jesse James

Jesse James, famous American West gunslinger and train robber, has been memorialized by American folk tales and folk music. The story of the James Gang has been told and retold by many musicians, in many different ways, much like the story of Stagger Lee.
I'll take a minute to share some U.S. history...

During the American Civil War, the frontier states, like Missouri, Nebraska, and Kansas, were prime targets of guerrilla warfare waged between Confederate "bushwacker" guerrilla fighters, and abolitionist Jayhawkers loyal to the Union. Jesse James and his brother Frank were Confederate bushwackers. They fought for Drew Lobbs Army and the Quantrill Raiders in Kansas and Texas.

After the war, the brothers joined up with Cole Younger and several of his brothers to rob banks and trains. This of course, made them outlaws, and a target of the famous Pinkerton detective agency.  This gang is destroyed during a botched bank robbery in Northfield, Minnesota.

The James Younger Gang

Afterward, the James brothers join up with Charley and Robert Ford to continue their outlaw lifestyle.  However, the Fords turn on the James brothers. In 1882, Bob Ford is paid off by the Missouri governor, Thomas Crittenden, to assassinate Jesse James, and shoots him in the back of the head.

Following the murder, the Ford brothers are arrested to be hanged for murder. Crittenden pardons them at the last minute. Frank surrendered to be tried five months later. He served a year in jail and was aquitted of all charges.

In music, Jesse James is heralded as a hero of the people, a Robin Hood-esque outlaw. Frank and Jesse are often portrayed as soldiers of fortune, and the Fords as traitors.

There have been many songs written and recorded about the James Gang. In fact, Joe Walsh was in a band before the Eagles called the James Gang. Frank and Jesse James by Warren Zevon, Jesus Christ and Jesse James by Christy Moore, Fighting Man by Timmy Brown, James and Cold Gun by Kate Bush, and Outlaw Jesse James by Cannonball are all good examples of music about the outlaw.  And, of course, who could forget the memorable Just Like Jesse James by Cher.

Bob Ford shooting Jesse James

The most famous Jesse James song, however, was written and recorded in 1924 by Bascom Lundsford. This particular song has been covered since by Pete Seeger, Van Morrison, the Pogues, Woody Guthrie, The Kingston Trio, Ry Cooder, and Bruce Springsteen. Titled simply Jesse James, the lyrics are below.

Jesse James was a lad that killed many a man,
He robbed the Glendale train,
He stole from the rich and he gave to the poor,
He'd a hand and a heart and a brain.

Well it was Robert Ford, that dirty little coward,
I wonder how he feels,
For he ate of Jesse's bread and he slept in Jesse's bed,
And he laid poor Jesse in his grave.

Well Jesse had a wife to mourn for his life,
Three children, they were brave,
Well that dirty little coward that shot Mr. Howard,
He laid poor Jesse in his grave.

Jesse was a man, a friend to the poor,
He'd never rob a mother or a child,
There never was a man with the law in his hand,
That could take Jesse James alive.

Jesse was a man, a friend to the poor,
He'd never see a man suffer pain,
And with his brother Frank he robbed the Chicago bank,
And stopped the Glendale train.

It was on a Saturday night and the moon was shining bright,
They robbed the Glendale train,
And people they did say o'er many miles away
It was those outlaws, they're Frank and Jesse James

Now the people held their breath when they heard of Jesse's death,
And wondered how he ever came to fall
Robert Ford, it was a fact, he shot Jesse in the back
While Jesse hung a picture on the wall

Now Jesse went to rest with his hand on his breast,
The devil will be upon his knee.
He was born one day in the County Clay,
And he came from a solitary race.

Poker Games can be Dangerous

This is the latest installation of cool old folk songs.  Hit the label "Folk" to see the rest on this blog.

Like with all good folk tunes, the song changes and evolves as it is sung and resung, sometimes differing greatly from the very first recordings to the most recent renditions.  The particular piece for this post is not really any one specific song, but rather songs about a specific event with specific characters.  

Stagger Lee Shelton was a famous St. Louis pimp in the late 1890s, of the group of pimps known at the time as the Macks.  The legendary story is as follows, told by many musicians.  Stagger Lee gets into an argument with Billy Lyons (or Billy DeLyon, or Billy Delisle), during a card game.  Somehow, Billy Lyon takes Stagger Lee's lucky hat, usually by winning at cards.  Stagger Lee then shoots him.  In the first versions of the song, there is no card game mentioned, which makes the crime appear more cold-blooded and impulsive.  

In the various versions of the song, Stagger Lee is often made out to be a trickster, a shyster, a wicked man, and even the devil himself.  Where as Billy Lyons is often a naive sucker unaware of the danger that Stagger Lee represents.  

The Grateful Dead version of the song is about Billy DeLyon's wife Deliliah and how she gets her revenge by shooting Stagger Lee in the balls.  This is actually the first version of the song I ever heard, and didn't realize Stagger Lee was part of the American Folk mythos until I heard Taj Mahal's version.  

Notable songs about Stagger Lee and Billy Lyons include: 

• Stack O Lee Blues - Herb Wiedoeft
• Stagolee - Mississippi John Hurt
• Stagger Lee - Tommy Roe
• Wrong 'em Boyo - The Clash
• Stack Shot Billy - The Black Keys

Other artists to have either covered or written songs about these characters include Woody Guthrie, Professor Longhair, Bob Dylan, David Bromberg, Taj Mahal, Beck, James Brown, Duke Ellington, Pete Seeger, Doc Watson, and Pat Boone.  

Lyrics acoording to Taj Mahal, Tommy Roe, and Nick Cave

I was standing on the corner
When I heard my bulldog bark
He was barking at the two men
Who were gambling in the dark

It was Stagger Lee and Billy
Two men who gambled late
Stagger Lee threw a seven
Billy swore, that he threw eight
Stagger Lee told `Billy,
I can`t let you go with that
You have won all my money
And my brand new stetson hat`

Stagger Lee went home
And he got his 44
Said, `I`m going to the bar room
Just to pay that debt that I owe`

Stagger Lee went to the bar room
And he stood across the bar room floor
Said, `now, nobody move`
And he pulled his 44

`Stagger Lee`, cried Billy
`Oh, please don`t take my life
I got three little children
And a very sickly wife`

Stagger Lee shot Billy
Boy, he shot that poor boy so bad
`Till the bullet came thru Billy
And it broke the bartender`s glass

Oh, Stagger Lee

I am a Bold Deciever

Back to cool folk music, I chose one from 17th century Ireland.

Whiskey in the Jar was made famous, initially, outside of Ireland by the Dubliners in 1967.  This traditional song, also known as Kilgary Mountain, was also recorded by The Limeliters, Darby O'Gill, The Seekers, Peter Paul and Mary, the Grateful Dead, U2, Belle and Sebastian, Simple Minds, and most famously by Thin Lizzy, and Metallica.

The song dates back to the 17th century and probably inspired The Beggar's Opera by John Gay.  The lyrics sometimes change depending on who is singing it, as is true of most folk songs hundreds of years old, but essentially it is the same song.  The ballad follows a highwayman that robs an aristocrat (or high ranking military man.  this doesn't really matter, he's an important man with tons of money and power), but the thief is betrayed by his mistress and is jailed.  Below are the words, based mostly on the Thin Lizzy version, because it makes way more sense.

As I was going' over the far famed Kerry mountains
I saw Captain Farrell and his money he was counting
I first produced my pistol and I then produced my rapier
I said stand or deliver for I am a bold deciever

Musha ring dum a do dum a da.
Whack for my daddy-o, 
Whack for my daddy-o
There's whiskey in the jar-o

I took all of his money and it was a pretty penny.
I took all of his money and I brought it home to Molly
She swore that she loved me, never would she leave me
But the devil take that woman,
for you know she tricked me easy

Chorus

I went up to my chamber, all for to take a slumber
I dreamt of gold and jewels And I never knew the danger, 
for about six or maybe seven, in walked Captain Farrell.
I produced my pistols, for she took my rapier,
and I shot him with both barrels.

Chorus

Now some men like the fishing and some men like the fowling,
And some men like to hear the cannon ball a roaring.
Me? I like sleeping especially in my Molly's chamber.  
But here I am in prison, here I am with ball and chain.

Folk Goes to the Dark Side

This has nothing to do with Star Wars, although, plenty has been said of how this epic science fiction film is contemporary folk lore. The title is really about folk songs with themes or horror, crime, and in this case, murder.  

The murder ballad is a legitimate sub-genre of folk music, and has permeated and influenced other genres as well. Before the internet and 24 hour news agencies, folk music ballads borrowed from real events, often written shortly after the event itself. Francis James Child anthologized a 305 of them in 1882. The Twa Sisters is one of the oldest, dating back to 1656, but it is thought that some of these date back to the 1400s.

Contemporary examples would be The Toadies's 1994 song Possum Kingdom, Nebraska by Bruce Springsteen, and Johnny Cash's Delia's Gone. Nick Cave also released an album in 1996 called Murder Ballads which had a mix of traditional and original tunes, much like Cold as the Clay by Greg Graffin.

The story of Omie Wise is a great example of this. Based on the real-life relationship between a Naomi Wise, and Jonathan Lewis and subsequent unsolved murder of Naomi in North Carolina in 1808.

This song had been made popular by Doc Watson, but also recorded by Pentangle, Greg Graffin, Dock Boggs, and Shirley Collins. Another famous murder ballad, Pretty Polly, has very similar themes, Dylan's Ballad of Hollis Brown is based on it. The lyrics are as follows: 

Come listen to my story, I'll tell you no lies, how John Lewis did murder a little Omie Wise,
He asked her to meet him at Adams's spring, said he'd bring her money and other fine things,
So fool-like she met him at Adams's spring, no money he brought her nor other fine things

John Lewis, John Lewis, won't you tell me your mind, do you intend to marry me or leave me behind?
Little Omie, Little Omie, I will tell you my mind, my plan is to drown you and leave you behind,
Have mercy on my baby and spare me my life, I'll go home as a beggar and never be your wife

He hugged her and he kissed her and turned her around and threw her in deep water where he knew that she would drown,

It was on one Thursday morning the rain came pouring down and they searched for Omie's body but it
Nowhere could be found,

Two boys went a fishin' one fine summer day and they saw little Omie's body go floating away

They called for John Lewis to come to that place so he could see her body and they could see his face,
though he made no confession they threw him in jail, no friend nor relation would go on his bail

Even the Old School has an Old School

Lately, I've been listening to folk music more than normal.  By folk music, I don't necessarily mean stuff like Leonard Cohen, Lou Reed, Michelle Shocked, or even newer contemporary stuff like Flogging Molly, and Mumford and Sons, although I have been listening to those too.  I mean folk music by the earliest definition.

I mean traditional folk ballads, stuff that predates my grandparents.  I like it when contemporary artists cover tunes like these, from both British and American folk culture.  Bruce Springsteen did it on his Seeger Sessions album.  Flogging Molly and the Dropkick Murphys cover at least one or more traditional songs on each of their albums.  Even Greg Graffin from Bad Religion recorded an album filled with folk covers.

I enjoy these bits of music past.  I like Fairport Convention, Steel-eye Span, the Dubliners, etc.  This post will be the first of many that will highlight a famous traditional folk ballad.  Since today is Mother's Day, I decided to begin with this song:

Mrs. McGrath

Oh, Missis McGrath, the sergeant said,

Would you like to make a soldier out of your son, Ted?

With a scarlet coat, and a three-cocked hat,

Now Missis McGrath, wouldn't you like that?

Wid yer too-ri-aa, fol de diddle aa
Too-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-aa.

Oh Mrs. McGrath lived by the seashore

For the space of seven long years or more;

Till she saw a big ship sail into the bay,

Here's my son, Ted, wisha, clear the way!

Wid yer too-ri-aa, fol de diddle aa

Too-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-aa.

Oh, Captain, dear, where have ye been

Have you been in the Mediterranean?

Will ye tell me the news of my son, Ted?

Is the poor boy livin', or is he dead?

Wid yer too-ri-aa, fol de diddle aa

Too-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-aa

Ah, well up comes Ted without any legs

An in their place he had two wooden pegs,

She kissed him a dozen times or two,

Saying, Holy Moses, 'tisn't you.

Wid yer too-ri-aa, fol de diddle aa

Too-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-aa

Oh then were ye drunk, or were ye blind

That ye left your two fine legs behind?

Or was it walkin' upon the sea

Wore your two fine legs from the knees away?

Wid yer too-ri-aa, fol de diddle aa

Too-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-aa

Oh, I wasn't drunk and I wasn't blind

But I left my two fine legs behind.

For a cannon ball, on the fifth of May,

Took my two fine legs from the knees away.

Wid yer too-ri-aa, fol de diddle aa

Too-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-aa

Oh, Teddy, me boy, the old widow cried,

Yer two fine legs were yer mammy's pride,

Them stumps of a tree wouldn't do at all,

Why didn't ye run from the big cannon ball?

Wid yer too-ri-aa, fol de diddle aa

Too-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-aa

All foreign wars I do proclaim

Between Don John and the King of Spain

And by herrins I'll make them rue the time

That they swept the legs from a child of mine.

Wid yer too-ri-aa, fol de diddle aa

Too-ri-oo-ri-oo-ri-aa

This particular song is about, basically, an Irish son who joins the King's Navy (British King), during the Napoleonic Wars in the early 19th century.  The song focuses on the mother of the sailor and how foreign wars affect the homeland.  The power of the song lays in its ability to paint together the emotion of reunion, and celebration of life, with the despair and horror, and trauma of armed conflict, and how difficult that can be to share even with loved ones.  These themes can be seen in later contemporary work by Dylan (John Brown), and Steve Goodman (Ballad of Penny Evans) and I'm sure in others.  

This particular song, although it predates the 20th century, became a political statement and protest anthem during the Easter Rising in Ireland in 1916 at the height of World War One.  Folk music would continue to be used for protest culminating during Vietnam conflict and beyond.  

Rolling Stone Disappoints. A Repost

I haven't actually bought a copy of Rolling Stone magazine for quite sometime.  In fact I can't remember the last time.  I still have the Jerry Garcia special issue from 1995...  because, you know, I'm a huge Grateful Dead nerd.

My buddy has a tumblr account and sometimes posts interesting things.  He posted an open letter of sorts recently regarding Rolling Stone's "25 Best Things in Rock Right Now", and highlights the magazine's out of touch ineptitude.

The link is below.  Enjoy.

http://swampthang.tumblr.com/post/20998168357/rollingstone-25-best-things-in-rock-right-now

Bitches Love Songs (named after them)

Yesterday I read a review by Liz Phair about Elvis Costello for Rolling Stone's 100 Greatest Artists.  The thing that stood out for me the most was the line about how "his songs about women and girls are devastating".  Of course this made me think about Allison, which is probably his best known song about a girl.  It, of course, is about Allison, her name being the title of the song, much like many songs about girls.  This thought of course reminded me of this clip from Family Guy.  

To recap, the list is as follows...

• Rosanna: Toto, Toto 4 (1982)
• Roxanne: The Police, Outlandos dAmour (1978)
• Michelle: Beatles, Rubber Soul (1965)
• Allison: Elvis Costello, My Aim is True (1977)
• Sarah: 

1. Bob Dylan, Desire (1976)
2. Fleetwood Mac, Tusk (1979)
3. Thin Lizzy, Shades of a Blue Orphanage (1972)

• Angie: Rolling Stones, Goats Head Soup (1973)
• Brandy: Scott English, Scott English (1978)
• Mandy: Barry Manilow, Mandy 7 inch (1974)
• Gloria: Van Morrison, The Angry Young Them (1964)
• Cecilia: Simon and Garfunkle, Bridge Over Troubled Water (1970)
• Maggie Mae: 

1. Beatles, Let it Be (1970)
2. Rod Stewart, Every Picture Tells a Story (1971)

• Jessica: 

1. Allman Brothers, Brothers and Sisters (1973)
2. Elliot Minor, Elliot Minor (2007)
3. Dir En Grey, Kisou (2001)
4. Adam Green, Friends of Mine (2003)

• Nancy (with the Laughing Face): Ray Charles, Dedicated to You (1961)
• Barbara Ann: Beach Boys, Beach Boys' Party (1965)
• Billie Jean: Michael Jackson, Thriller (1982)
• Layla: Derek and the Dominos, Layla (1970)
• Lola: Kinks, Lola Versus Powerman
• Polly: 

1. Kinks, Wonderboy single (1968)
2. Nirvana, Nevermind (1991)

• Helena: 

1. Misfits, Famous Monsters (1999)
2. My Chemical Romance, 3 Cheers for Sweet Revenge (2004)
3. Nicklecreek, Why Should the Fire Die (2005)
4. Will Haven, Hierophant (2007)

• Jenny from the Block: Jennifer Lopez, This is Me, Then (2002)
• Sherry: The Four Seasons, Sherry and 11 (1962)
• Laura: 

1. Billy Joel, the Nylon Curtain (1982)
2. Scissor Sisters, Scissor Sisters (2004)
3. Flogging Molly, Whiskey on a Sunday (2006)

• Wendy: Beach Boys, All Summer Long (1964)
• Maria: 

1. Bernstein and Sondheim, West Side Story (1956)
2. Rogers and Hammerstein, Sound of Music (1959)
3. Ricky Martin, A Medio Vivir (1995)
4. Wu Tang Clan, Wu Tang Forever (1997)
5. Blondie, No Exit (1999)
6. Rage Against the Machine, Battle of Los Angeles (1999)
7. Santana, Supernatural (1999)

• Peggy Sue: 

1. Buddy Holly, Buddy Holly (1957)
2. Blink 182, Cheshire Cat (1994)

• Minnie the Moocher: Cab Calloway (1931)
• Tracy: Mogwai, Mogwai Young Team (1997)
• Jean: Oliver, Good Morning Starshine (1969)
• Sweet Jane: Velvet Underground, Loaded (1970)
• Mary Ann: 

1. Alice Cooper, Billion Dollar Babies (1973)
2. Bob Dylan, Dylan (1973)
3. Black Lace, Mary Ann (1979)

• Eleanor Rigby: Beatles, Revolver (1966)

The concept of this joke is so interesting.  There are tons of songs about women, not all are named after the women they are about, but many are, and as you can see from the list, many names are used by several different songwriters.  Enter a girl's name in Wikipedia some time and see if there is an entry for (song).  Here are a few more not mentioned in the clip, in case that wasn't enough...

• Omie Wise: Doc Watson, Doc Watson (1964)
• Melissa: Allman Brothers, Eat a Peach (1972)
• Samantha: Margaret Berger, Pretty Scary Silver Fairy (2006)
• Julia:

1. Beatles, White Album (1968)
2. Our Lady Peace, Naveed (1994)
3. Goudie, Peep Show (2000)
4. Conway Twitty, Borderline (1987)

• Christine: Siouxsie and the Banshees, Kaleidoscope (1980)
• Gina: Blues Traveler, Blues Traveler (1990)
• Rosemary:

1. Grateful Dead, Aoxomoxoa (1969)
2. Gomez, Abandoned Shopping Trolley Hotline (2000)
3. Katy Rose, Candyeyed (2007)

• Emily:

1. Bowling For Soup, Drunk Enough to Dance (2002)
2. Dave Koz, Dave Koz (1990)
3. Frank Sinatra, Softly as I Leave You (1964)

• Delilah:

1. Tom Jones, Delilah (1968)
2. Dresden Dolls, Yes Virginia (2006)
3. Queen, Innuendo (1991)
4. Cranberries, Bury the Hatchet (1999)

This is pretty impressive, and just think, most of these songs are really good songs too.  and I only included titles of songs that are only names, which means titles with girl's names as part of the title aren't on here, like My Michelle by Guns n Roses, Hey There Delilah by the Plain White Ts, Jane Says by Jane's Addiction and Loose Lucy by the Grateful Dead.  Bob Dylan's song Lily, Rosemary the Jack of Hearts is a two-for.  I thought about putting links on each song, but I figure if anyone actually reads this and are curious, they can search for the songs themselves.

I guess Brian's comment to Stewie is true, naming songs after girls is a tired, unoriginal and lazy idea, but..  all girls want a song written about them, don't they?