Monday, February 20, 2017

Alternative Facts: Presidents' Edition

It is Presidents' Day! Happy Presidents' Day. It's a pretty useless holiday that borders very nearly on Nationalism. The fact that this country, founded on the principle that aristocracy and royalty shall no longer hold sway in a country built by and for all men, observes the birthday of our first and fifteenth presidents is pretty weird.

In honor of this weird tradition, and in honor of our newest president, The Marmalade Mussolini, #45, Comrade Trumpovich, I made a list of the best presidents we never had. My top five fictional presidents. These are the very best fake United States Presidents, which means good ole President Skroob, President Laura Roslin, and President Business aren't included.



President Merkin Muffley
35th President of the United States
film: Doctor Strangelove. Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
actor: Peter Sellers

To begin our list, I chose the Trumanesque, Adelai Stevenson sponsored naive Commander in Chief, Mr. President Muffley, our last president before the great nuclear holocaust of 1964, and named after the pubic wig, the greatest cosmetic invention ever! This honest, sincere, open diplomat, who, despite being completely unprepared, and with all the circumstances and luck going against him, almost stopped nuclear Armageddon. Still a better a president under stress than our real life #45, the Short Fingered Vulgarian.



President Francis J (Frank) Underwood
46th President of the United States
series: House of Cards
actor: Kevin Spacey

President Underwood is the second president, after Gerald Ford, to not be elected by the people of the United States, but appointed through a series of resignations and appointments. This man is a ruthless machiavellian psychopath, a master manipulator, and a killer. And yet, still better than the actual real life 45th president, the failed mail-order meat salesmen, we have now, in reality. At least this guy knows how the system works, what the job means, and how to get stuff done without looking like a Kindergartener.



President David Palmer
43rd President of the United States
series: 24
actor: Dennis Hayspert

Not only is President Palmer the first black president, a Democrat that ran on a platform of integrity and the welfare of the American People, he survived an assassination attempt before securing his party's nomination enroute to becoming president. This of course happened 4 years before Barack Obama won his Senate seat. President Palmer served for one term, opting out of re-election due to personal trauma, and clandestine anti-terrorism actions, as is the modis operandi for the show 24. And who could blame him? There are crazy terrorists with even crazier Bond-esque plots around every corner in the 24 universe. In fact, he did serve briefly as an advisor in the next administration, but was assassinated in what is probably the only ex-presidential assassination. Overall, a much better National Security president than our current Cheeto-dust Czar.


President James Marshall
42nd, or 43rd President of the United States
film: Air Force One
actor: Harrison Ford

Not much is known of this president's career, or platform, or anything really, except he has a military record (Medal of Honor recipient), doesn't negotiate with terrorists (except when he does) and can certainly hand down some beat downs when his Secret Service loses their grip. President Marshall makes the list simply for being the most manly president since Teddy Roosevelt. Certainly a tougher, more physical presence than our newly inaugurated Tangerine Tornado



President Josiah (Jed) Bartlet
42nd or 43rd President of the United States
series: West Wing
actor: Martin Sheen

Probably the most in-depth, realistically written fake president on the list (although I still don't understand the timeline. Why are the presidential elections held during mid-term election years?), President Jed Bartlet's administration is portrayed in a detail unlike any other in fake presidential history. The Right ridiculed his administration by calling it the Left Wing. But realistically, Bartlet was a great diplomat and negotiator, kept America safe from threats foreign and domestic, and was a champion of the American working class. The man knew his Constitution, knew his Bible, surrounded himself with experts to help him with things he wasn't strong in, like foreign policy, and defense, and had the courage to come clean about his uncertain health problems (he has MS). 

Mike Curry, the press secretary for real life president Bill Clinton said Bartlet was a patchwork of the perfect president combining "the compassion and integrity of Jimmy Carter... that shrewd decision-making and hard-nosed realism of a Richard Nixon... the warmth and amiability and the throw-the-arm-around-the-shoulder of a Bill Clinton; and... the liberal passion of a Kennedy". Basically the exact opposite of our current sitting Commander-in-Chief, Lord Fuck-face von Clownstick. 

Monday, December 19, 2016

Are We Madly Insane?

Dr. Dog
Shame Shame
2010, ANTI-
produced by Rob Schnapf
Tony Leaman - bass, vocals
Scott McMicken - guitar, banjo, vocals
Frank McElroy - guitar, vocals
Zach Miller - pianos, organs
Juston Stens - drums, percussion
Erik Slick - drums, percussion

singles:
  • Stranger
  • Shadow People
I heard this band do an interview for the Bonaroo festival for NPR, which included a version of Jackie Wants a Black Eye. They played that festival on Friday in The Other Tent. Of course, I looked the band up and found this record.

It's their first album on ANTI- records after spending five years with Park the Van. The album has a throwback sound that reminds me of the Byrds, CSN, and the Band. It is light and folksy, the kind of songs that are easily reproduced by open mic warriors. They are a product of the 90's jam band scene that produced bands like Guster, Dispatch, and Wilco. This one may be their best. Also, it comes with a fold out poster!


Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Why Do You Hate Me So? I Dont Know

Hootie and the Blowfish
Cracked Rear View
1994, Atlantic
produced by Don Gehman

Darius Rucker - vocals, acoustic guitar, percussion
Mark Bryan - guitars, mandolin
Dean Felber - bass, piano, clavinet
Jim Soni Sonefeld - drums, percussion, piano

singles-
  • Hold my Hand
  • Let Her Cry
  • I Only Wanna be with You/Use Me
  • Time
  • Drowning
This band stormed onto radio in 1994. After the pop-synth, glam rock of the late '80s and the thrash metal, grunge of the previous few years, the Hootie and the Blowfish released a debut so different and refreshing that it climbed the charts.

If I had to describe a distinguishable 90s pop rock sound, I'd say Hootie and Blowfish nailed it. They are bouncy and fun and happy-go-lucky, light with a hint of gospel, but also had a roots blues sound that will break your heart. Darius Rucker's baritone was something rare in rock music. I think, in retrospect, the band always had a country cross-over feel, so it is no surprise that Rucker made a career in country later on.

This record sold 10.5 million copies in its first year. It went Platinum 16 times. It is the 16th best selling record in the US of all time. It was number one on Billboard 200 five times and also was number one in New Zealand and Canada.

As quickly as this record rose, there was an equal and opposite backlash. I found this odd at the time, and still find it odd now. Was it because radio overplayed it? Was it because there were unfounded rumors they were gay? Was it because the front man was black in a predominately white man genre? I'm not sure, but the record still holds up as a genre melding eulogy to a loved one. Haters, predictably, were wrong.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

What Have We Done?

So, a crazy thing happened the other day, something that appeared to only happen in dystopian fiction, or in other countries far far away. This guy, this dumpster fire of a caricature of a human being, yelled and bullied and smeared his way into the presidential election and won.

The Donald, or as Jon Stewart once called him, Lord Fuckface Von Clownstick, is now the president-elect of the United States of America.

There has been a lot of articles, blogposts, statuses, memes, etc about Trump, Trumpettes (I refuse to call them anything else), and the horrorshow that may become the new reality in America. I think, for anyone either in the Trumpette basket, or willing to try get along peacefully, there are a few things to remember.
What I think of when I say Trumpette
Thing One: Trump is still the Right's fault.

I have seen a few articles trying to pin this election outcome on Liberal Elites who weren't paying attention. This may be true, if rich white people cared about poor stupid white people, the Democrat agenda may have been changed to reach this terribly misinformed and angry base. But then again, rich white Republicans have been jerking the poor stupid white people around since Nixon for the expressed purpose of misleading them to vote against their self interests. So... this probably wouldn't have made a difference.

There is evidence that a large slice of the voting public relishes in their ignorance. The Uneducated White Man has become a focus after this election. Anti- Intellectualism should not be a thing to be proud of. We ought to continue to invest in education and foster the scouting mind, and other good learning habits. This is difficult when we continue to slash education budgets, affecting teacher salaries, but still expect schools to perform well and retain quality teachers.

See this for more on celebrating the uneducated.

It is much more important to look at how certain groups vote solely based on one issue. For example: Evangelicals supporting Trump because they believe Democrats like Hillary want to kill babies instead of banning abortion. Or any redneck militiaman who is convinced Democrats want to take their guns away, even though there are no Democrats on record ever saying that, nor did it happen under 8 years of Obama, or 8 years of Bill Clinton.

See here for more thoughts on Religious zealotry.

Thing Two: Trump doesn't get a free pass now that he's been elected.

How about apologists who claim that the media has misconstrued Trump's stand on racial equality, and women's rights? The hypocrisy of this astounds me. Democrats come right out and speak of equality for all and they're called "libtards", like its retarded to want everyone to have an equal chance at a good life. But when Trump mocks the physically disabled, questions the patriotism of a Gold Star family, values women based on their looks alone, and pledges to ban immigrants based on religion, he's just joking and talking in hyperbole. Words have meaning.

A common mantra for Trumpettes is "he says what I think". Ok, but presidents don't say those things, even if they believe them. Woodrow Wilson was a huge racist. But he managed to keep any crazy racist things he may have been thinking from slipping out during public speeches. Kanye West once said Bush hates black people. But there was no evidence other than how long it took for FEMA to handle the Katrina disaster. Bush wasn't habitually tweeting with Klan members.

My point is, if you truly want to "make America great again", and you want to compare contemporary America with any other era in American history, Trump is unacceptable as a president in comparison to any other of the 44 you have to choose from. Except maybe Andrew Jackson and Herbert Hoover. Jackson helped murder millions of Indians and gave Nazis the blueprint for their final solution. Hoover loved the free market so much he led the economy right into the Great Depression. Not very good role models.

It may be true that white people in this country have felt pushed back to the margins and made to feel ashamed. No one should feel ashamed of being themselves... Unless being yourself means you habitually make other people feel afraid and keep them from being themselves. Hatred never gets a pass. There is a group of Liberals that have worked very hard to expose white male privilege. It has been aggressive and oppressive, and it has helped breed a contempt for feminists and humanists seeking equality for everyone. No one likes being called the bad guy repeatedly. This doesn't really matter. Bottom line, no one argues: Stop being shitty elitists! White men aren't superior. Rich suburban college grads aren't superior. Right Wing Free Marketers aren't superior. Stop it. Period.

Societies and economies are much better off and stronger when diversity is protected. We can all win. stop being shitty.

More on how things have meanings.

Thing Three: Taxes are important and necessary.

Get Government out of my life!

No one likes being told what to do, right? I mean, just about everyone between the ages of 12 to 18 cant wait to get out of their parents' house so they don't have to follow ridiculous rules. The problem is, adults should be way past acting like adolescents when it comes to politics. Once again, I blame the Right for fostering this idea that taxes are theft, and government is corrupt and wasteful.

Corruption definitely happens. There are no term limits for Congress, and these politicians all had lives before in communities throughout the country. There are plenty of opportunities to make deals in Washington that favor the politician. There are plenty of opportunities for corporations to grease palms and make deals that favor both the politician and the corporation and screw the US citizens.

The history of the United States tax code gives us a good example of the biggest corruption scam.  For four decades (between 1945-1979) the United States had a 95%-70% tax rate on the highest earners in the country (means rich people). Reagan convinced every one that trickle down economics would allow rich people's wealth to find its way into the system without being taken in tax revenue. So... the highest tax brackets were slashed. Government revenues and budgets shrunk, and massive cuts to domestic programs (including public education budgets) ensued. The country still hasn't figured out how to replace the revenue lost. In short, trickle down economics, as economists Pavlina Tcherneva and John Kenneth Galbraith, and the IMF all say, does not work, and is unsustainable.

In fact, we all had a recent look at how well trickle down economics works in the great state of Kansas. The state had a chance to slash business tax rates, with the hope of stimulating growth. Local businesses save money on taxes, invest in themselves, grow their businesses, create jobs and therefore grow state taxes and build the economy. Trickle down economics finally realized.... Except the exact opposite happened. Business owners saved money on taxes, for sure, but they had no obligation to reinvest that money, they just kept it as profit. Businesses did not grow or create jobs. Kansas did not slash budgets enough to handle the revenue shortfall, they relied on economic growth that never happened. Predictably Kansas couldn't balance the budget.

Lobbying is a problem. Gerrymandering is a problem. Pork barrel spending is a problem. Obstructionist legislative tactics are a problem. Citizens United is a problem. Taxes are not a problem, unless there aren't any.


Societies and economies are better off and stronger when everyone pays their fair share. A government that doesn't work because it is underfunded is no help to anyone.

See this for more about taxes.

Conclusion:

There is, and has been a Republican agenda that has plans to shrink government beyond usefulness. I believe the Koch brothers put it this way: make it small enough to drown like a baby in the bathtub. Now that Trump is president, and the GOP has control of both chambers of Congress, with the ability to nominate and approve Supreme Court justices that lean conservative, the Republican agenda has a real good chance of becoming a reality. This means rolling back the Affordable Care Act, defunding Planned Parenthood, rolling back civil rights afforded to homosexuals, defunding the EPA and deregulating environmental protections.

This last is probably the most devastating. Under the guise of stimulating economic growth, ecological protections will be scuttled. Plenty of GOP legislators don't believe climate change is real. We sure don't like spending tax money, but if the climate continues to warm, there will be considerably more natural disasters. More disasters means more to clean up. Disaster relief costs money. Tax money. Repealing regulations that protect water and timber and fish resources will lead to increased climate damage.

Societies and economies are better off and stronger when integrated with a strong and healthy ecosystem.

Bottom Line: I sincerely hope this next four years turns out better than expected. But, I fear the next election will have the same slogan. Make America Great Again may actually be a real goal.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Lost in the Supermarket

The Clash
London Calling
1979, CBS/Epic
produced by Guy Stevens
Joe Strummer - vocals, guitars
Mick Jones - guitars, piano, vocals
Paul Simonon - bass, vocals
Topper Headon - drums
Mickey Gallagher - organ
The Irish Horns - horn section

singles-
  • London Calling/ Armagideon Time
  • Clampdown/ Guns of Brixton
  • Train in Vain/ London Calling
Probably one of the best Clash records, if not at the very least the most recognizable. This record is ranked by Rolling Stone as the best album of the '80s (it came out in '79), number 8 on their list of 500 Greatest Albums of all Time, Q Magazine named it the 4th best British album of all time.

The cover art is super punk rock, an homage to Elvis's 1956 record with an out of focus Simonon smashing his bass. Aside from that, the album is probably as far from a typical punk rock album of the time (or the next 10 years). The Clash changed their sound from the British punk aesthetic (or lack of) to a rockabilly/ska/reggae infused sound that either departed from the punk, or diversified a genre that previously relished in its lack of talent and void of musicality. Either way, who cares? The record is great, fun to listen to, and absolutely a must-have.